


What I Never Got

by BurningSwan



Series: What We Cannot Have [3]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Guilt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 21:12:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12328974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningSwan/pseuds/BurningSwan
Summary: Something is wrong. Vorona looks at him questioningly.“What is it, Shizuo?”Something is missing. No...Someone?———A visit from Shinra makes all the pieces fall into place. Something has happened to the flea, to Izaya. Something is wrong.





	What I Never Got

**Author's Note:**

> Since a part from Shizuo’s pov was requested and I decided it would be fun to write, here it is.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> ~BurningSwan

Shizuo tilts his head, a glass of milk touching his lips. Something is wrong. Vorona looks at him questioningly.

"What's the matter, Shizuo?"

Shizuo shakes his head, unable to describe the sudden feeling he got that something was awry.

Vorona shrugs in defeat, and reaches for his other hand. He lets her take it.

"There's nothing to worry about." She says, a soft smile crossing her face.

Shizuo smiles back at her hesitantly. He starts to relax when the doorbell rings. Vorona releases his hand and stands.

"I'll get it, wait here, Shizuo." She walks shortly to the door, opening it to reveal a somewhat panicked Shinra.

He pushes past Vorona, who scowls at him just slightly, knowing her peaceful time with Shizuo has been disturbed.

Shizuo stands upon seeing the disheveled underground doctor.

"Shinra? What's the matter?"

Shinra stops before Shizuo, running a nervous hand through his hair.

"Well," the doctor hesitates but Shizuo's glare encourages him to continue. "A few days ago, I got a call from...Izaya..."

"From the flea? What about it? Did he say something dumb?" Shizuo queries, confused.

"I hate to say this, but I'm worried." The doctor confessed.

"About Izaya? Why?" 

Vorona had stalked over and sat nearby  on the couch, curious, feeling something was threatening her happiness with Shizuo. It had taken so long to get to this point, she didn't want anything getting in her way. And definitely not Izaya of all people. She knew how he felt about Shizuo. Knew because they had been in somewhat similar circumstances, though Vorona had been better off. She got to have what Izaya never could, never would. 

"I was not supposed to tell you," Shinra was saying. "But Izaya, he..."

"What? What about the flea?" Shizuo growls, impatient.

Shinra swallows, shaking his head and gathering his courage.

"I fear he might hurt himself."

Shizuo stared, dumbfounded.

"Hurt himself? Why?" Shizuo demands, incredulous. 

Vorona perks up, sets her gaze on Shinra as a warning.

Shinra notices her fierce glare, understands what it means.

Shinra shook his head.

"I can't tell you, but...Can you please check on him?"

Shizuo gaped.

"What? Why me? Why should I? Can't you?"

"He wouldn't want me butting my nose in." 

"And he'd be fine if his enemy did?"

Shinra sighed.

"Just, please, for a friend, Shizuo." Shinra begged.

With a heavy reluctance, Shizuo was convinced to agree.

As soon as Shinra left, Vorona was on her feet.

"Don't do it, Shizuo." She gently touched his arm.

"Vorona," Shizuo sighed. "It won't take long. It's not that big of a deal. I promised you to change. He's just another person. He's not important to me, not like you." Shizuo smiled at her and the woman frowned back, leaning lightly against him.

"Okay, Shizuo. Come back soon. I got sweets for you, for after dinner." Vorona let go of him, pressed a light kiss to his cheek and floated away on light feet.

Shizuo smiled back at her receding figure. 

"I'll look forward to it, then." He called back, before heading out on heavy feet.

———

When he got to the flea's apartment, it wasn't Izaya who answered the door when he knocked (yes, knocked, not kicked down the door). Namie gave him a scathing look as she peered at him from behind the barely cracked open door.

"He's not here, go away. I don't want any trouble. He might make me pay for your damages." The woman said, glaring at him with cold eyes.

"Open the door. I am not here to destroy anything. I was asked to check up on Izaya."

"He wouldn't want to see you, go away." Namie tried to close the door, but Shizuo grabbed the edge of the door and pried it open and out of her hands.

Namie glared at him and stepped back.

"Fine, but don't blame me for what you see." She stalked over to the light switch after leaving the door to Shizuo to open and enter the apartment.

When she flicked on the lights, all Shizuo could do was stare.

What was this?

Izaya groaned, hissing. A hand over his eyes, covered in both fresh and crusted, dried blood. Shards of glass lay scattered around him where he was collapsed by the stairs. Shizuo managed to recognize the shattered glass as the remains of a bottle of alcohol. 

Namie folded her arms.

"Well?" She queried, her tone harsh.

Shizuo shot her a glance.

"What happened?" Was all he could manage as he tried to comprehend the situation.

Namie withdrew a knife from her pocket, holding it up to inspect it in the light.

"You." She said simply.

He recognized the knife as one of Izaya's switchblades. 

"What do you mean?" He demands, eyes drifting back to the barely moving shape of Izaya, curled up on the broken glass. And did he hear whimpering? He must be hearing things. Seeing things. Surely that wasn't Izaya. 

"He tried to kill himself," Namie continued, ignoring Shizuo's question. "But I stopped him. I found him, knife pointed at his chest. Same spot he is now. He's lucky I found the suicide note he planned on leaving, for you, before he managed to complete the deed." 

"Suicide note? What do you mean for me?" Shizuo questioned, heart pounding as he tried to piece together the fragments of information he was being fed. 

"Namie, give it back." He heard Izaya gasp out, shifting on the glass, cracking the pieces into smaller fragments, lodging more into his already broken, bleeding flesh. 

Namie's eyes flicked over to Izaya before over to Shizuo, glittering dangerously like a snake's.

"Should I?" She queried aloud, eyes fixed on Shizuo.

Shizuo couldn't move, couldn't breath. His heart slowed. Surely she wouldn't actually assist in Izaya's suicide?

Namie began to move towards Izaya menacingly. Izaya still hadn't so much as even looked over in their direction. Did he even know Shizuo was there? 

Shizuo moved to block Namie.

She grinned, malice gleaming in the depths of her eyes.

"Why are you trying to stop me? You're the reason he wants to die." Namie stated flatly, halting in her movements, straightening her back and eyeing Shizuo dangerously.

Shizuo shook his head.

"No. I don't know what you are talking about, but he is no longer my enemy. I won't let him do it, especially not if this is all my fault."

Namie eyed him suspiciously, before pulling out a crumpled piece of paper and shoving it to his chest.

Shizuo grabbed for it before it fell, staring down at it in confusion.

"It's the note I was talking about. Read it and then you will understand," she paused, gaze drifting over to Izaya again. "I will take care of him for now, but you should leave. It would be better if he never knew you were here." 

Shizuo made to protest but Namie shooed him towards the door.

"This is your fault, so I will take care of this mess. He is my employer, I will help him. You are just a stranger. Go back to your woman, and don't come back."

And with that, the door to Izaya’s apartment was shut in his face and he was left, the apparent suicide note of Izaya in his hand and a sinking feeling in his stomach.

He returned to his house in silence. Vorona was waiting, sitting at the kitchen table expectantly.

He set the note on the table.

Vorona’s eyes flitted down to it.

“Is he alive?” She queried, voice tight.

Shizuo nodded. 

“If you can call that being alive.” 

What he never got...was just what it all meant. 

The sweets tasted like dirt in his mouth that night. Vorona was his only comfort, sitting silently next to him as he read the suicide note in shock.

What had Izaya done to himself?

What had he done to Izaya?

Vorona leaned her head on his shoulder.

“It’s not your fault,” she whispered. “You can still fix this.” 

The thought was Shizuo’s only reassurance.


End file.
